Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
