there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
