Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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