I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize