why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
