I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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