Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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