I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
