Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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