I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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