Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize