How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
