And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
