I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
