After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
