so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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