I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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