before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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