There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
