They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
