singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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