if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
