I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
