At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize