; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
