Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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