Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Let's get the cat blown out
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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