I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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