Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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