I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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