Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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