5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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