he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
