i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
