Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
