Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize