man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
