Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
