i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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