So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
