I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
