Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Oh god it's open bar.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
