so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
