I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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