I wish I only lived at night.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
