I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
