i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
