please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
