I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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