stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
