rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
