I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
