Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Please don't give away my fajitas
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