morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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