So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
