Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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