I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize