Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i now understand why vodka
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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