eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
