elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
