Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
What changed your mind?
Being sober
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
