I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
