My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
