He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
