dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
