You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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