They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
