get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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