Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize