I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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